Got back home after 30 hours in Cún's house.
I had chocopies and wafers to eat but got lots of unexpected things to see... and some of the memories, therefore, have also come back to me...
Cún
- I miss how you - my baby brother and i spent hours sitting in your garden planting tamarind trees just to know that their sprouts would be finally eaten up by the chickens, even though we knew it, we kept on burying the tamarind seeds into the earth (i hoped that if there were too many sprouts the chickens wouldn't be able to eat all of them, then there'd be some left).
- I remember how excited you were about Chemistry when you were 12. You asked me if Chemistry was difficult and how i studied it at school and other things. You loved the idea of having Chemistry as your new subject in 8th grade. I know you loved creating weird, scientific things, so at that very moment even though i thought :"ewww i hate Chemistry you know?!", i just said :"you really like it that much huh!:P" and smiled.
But years later, when you were in 8th or 9th grade you said you hated it, it was difficult, blah blah blah. And i was speechless for a while, i was sad. Deeply sad. But it was not surprising, it was just bitter, because i'd been prepared for it (the moment you said you liked Chemistry). Yea, i blamed it on the fucking education, the fucking schools. It kills people slowly, day by day. Now you're a 10th grader and you're like a tiny thing sinking into the deep, dark water.
- I'm sad we don't talk much nowadays, it seems like we're avoiding each other. I don't know how to help you, we're not that close, i don't understand you that much to sit down and say something that can simply change your attitude towards unhappy things. I can't give you any good advice like how to be happy and pleased because i'm sinking too, not exactly your way but i am, and because i'm afraid you'd hate me for that. I'm not a good talker.
But is there any miraculous chance that you'll be fine? Who would be that person or people, or even things, that can make you feel better?
Chút
-I don't like you a lot, to be honest. You always wrap my things without asking and then run away. You usually rudely snatch things out of others' hands. You can beat or pull people's hair. You're self-centered and disrespectful to your mom, blah blah blah.
-But i don't blame you for that, i know why you're like this. Your parents, even your bro Cún, all-day-long tv watching, adult films and programs watching, the insensitive neighbors,... these people and things are why.
-Who do i think i am to say such things? I'm not a good person, i'm not better than anyone, i'm not helping you to be a better kid, then why am i trying to accuse people of spoiling you? Maybe because i always believe that parents, most of the time, are the firsts to be responsible for their kid's behavior and character. I'm not a good sister anyway.
-I'm just afraid that you're fixed! Your character, your behaviors are fixed.
I hope you'll be alright.
You
- I know our relationship has ended, for over 10 months, but there are still lots of things that i want you to know.
- I'm not gonna say that i was hurt a lot and you ruined my life or something like that. It's crazy and meaningless right? (Right!) I don't like talking about it anymore because it will only make us feel bad (but honestly, i did like it, shit me then!).
- I've written about me and you, you and her... for many times. But i guess you never noticed. Simply because i always write it in english, and you don't like reading my posts written in english because it's not easy to get. I'm disappointed, you've never asked me about it while i'm drowning here.
- All of a sudden i don't wanna talk about it anymore, so i will stop right here. Just want you to know this: I know how she looks like, i saw your photos, i know it was at the farewell party in the end of June, and i saw you and her at the board in your class too.
It made me sick and scared but i just kept looking.
I'm a sick lunatic and paranoid! Haha...
But deep down i feel good i saw those photos.
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